Connor's Tales
by Connor J. Lockhart
Summary: Every Bonfire Night, a new scripture will appear in this collection of stories. Be free to judge me.


It was a long day in Mt. Olympus. Zeus kept an eye on the vast skies of Earth and occasionally shot a lightning bolt at an intruding monster. Poseidon kept taming any wild water creatures that dare harm any humans. Hades was making sure that the Underworld and Earth are kept at a balance to prevent angry souls from causing chaos. Most of the other gods were keeping a balance in their respective vocations. All except for one. Artemis was hunting in a forest near Marathon when she saw a man. He was of tall stature with olive coloured skin and black curly hair. He saw Artemis and went towards her. 'Hello, Miss.' said the man, 'aren't you meant to be at home?' The misogyny disgusted Artemis and she walked away in anger. 'Wait!' the man said, 'I am sorry. I didn't know you were a follower of Artemis.' Artemis finally spoke. 'I AM Artemis. Of course I was hunting.' The man was confused. Why would a god come down to hunt? And why here? The man, who called himself Skafostis Afroditis, and Artemis talked for hours and hunted together. Then they went to Marathon and got drunk.

Without knowing, Artemis slept with Skafostis and was no longer a virgin goddess. She went out of the bed with no memory of the previous night. She went back to Olympus and took her hunt with her, getting the equivalent amount of food to feed twenty great cities with the help of Skafostis. Zeus was waiting with a slightly irritated look on his face. 'Artemis,' he said, 'where were you?' 'I was in a forest near Marathon, my usual hunting spot.' Artemis said, but Zeus replied with 'You partially lied. You did go to the forest at first, but you soon slept with a man, didn't you?' Artemis's face became red and she went back home to her temple whilst Zeus looked at her with a snigger on his face.

A day later, Artemis went out and saw Zeus and all the other gods outside, with Athena and Hephaestus holding a banner saying 'We hope your birth is true!' Artemis was embarrassed, but soon she fainted. Then a woman burst out of her stomach. Her dark-brown hair was spiky and long, with grey eyes and wore a green patterned dress. A second after her birth, Artemis's stomach healed. 'Hello!' the woman said and she turned around. 'Oh my! Is that my mother?!' The other gods were confused, but the woman calmed them down. 'Calm down, you guys! Shish! There have been weirder births of gods than me, like when Aphrodite was born from castrating Uranus's corpse and Athena bursting out of Zeus's head.' Aphrodite and Athena were shocked by what the woman said whilst Zeus had an embarrassed look on his face. 'Sorry, guys.' She said, 'I should introduce myself. I'm Lexius, and I'm in charge in the Bravery department.'

Everyone in the area was baffled. Not only did Lexius name herself, she was instantly a god even though she was half-blooded, and of bravery no less. 'So, how can I help you?' Lexius said. Apollo shouted 'What about waking up my sister?!' Lexius slapped Artemis across the face and told her to wake up. 'Hey, it's me, your daughter.' She said and Artemis fainted again. 'This is going to be a long day…' Hades said.

It took a day for Artemis to wake up again in her temple bed. Lexius sat beside her. 'Hey, mommy!' she said. Artemis groaned and said 'Please let this be a dream.' She nipped herself but was already awake. Lexius was really there. 'Why are you here?' said Artemis. 'Eh,' said Lexius, 'Just keeping an eye on you.' Artemis had an idea. 'Lexius,' she said, 'There is an underground city under where Pompeii was. There lays a sentient blade called Ethaniel which is guarded by a beast. It has an ebony-plated body of a bull with the legs of a dragon. The tip of the tail is like a mace and its wings look like those of a bat. But its head is the most fearsome feature. Its eyes intoxicate any fool who tries to get the sword and they can see for thousands of miles. The mouth spews out acid that melts through any material no matter its strength and it has horns that once pierced through Aegis, one of the strongest shields in existence. All you have to do is pull out the sword, kill the beast, and bring it back. Are you up for it?'

Lexius accepted the quest… even though it was bogus. Artemis made up the whole mission just to get Lexius away from her. Lexius is brave, Artemis thought, but she is also dumb. Lexius set off from Mt. Olympus and went on her journey. Her first stop was at the city of Kastoria, where she saw a bandit try to rob a young woman of her money. 'Hey!' she said to the bandit and ran after him. She had a sword with her but the bandit avoided the blade as she caught up with him. Just as she gave up, a rock hit the bandit and he was knocked down dead. Lexius looked behind her and saw that it was the woman who was nearly robbed. 'Nice work, idiot.' She sarcastically praised. 'If you weren't here, I would have caught the thief without having to kill him.'

'Sorry.' Lexius said.

'Eh, I forgive you. I get why you went after him. He's a thief. You have a good heart.'

'Oh, okay. What's your name?'

'I am Shailene. I am the most famous heroine in Kastoria. I once defeated fifty thousand Orcs and turned their blood into the wine you see around you today.'

'That's actually quite awesome, slaying fifty thousand orcs and turning their blood into wine. Oh! I got to go. I'm on a quest.'

'Quest? What quest?'

'I'm trying to find a sword called Ethaniel in an underground city beneath Pompeii.'

'What are you, suicidal? That "city" is Ipomepi, the most chaotic hell-hole in the entirety of Earth. The townspeople are ravenous, there are volcanoes everywhere, and the Evenosagoni is a nightmare.'

'Let me guess, ebony-plated body?'

'Yes.'

'Mace-like tail?'

'Yes.'

'Dragon-legs?'

'Yes. How did you-'

'Bat wings?'

'Yes, but-'

'A head with intoxicating eyes, Aegis-piercing horns, and a mouth that spews out acid?'

'How did you know all that?'

'My mother told me. Her name's Artemis.'

Shailene was stumped for a moment. 'A woman named Artemis, or THE Artemis?' she asked. 'Yes, THE Artemis.' Lexius replied, 'I'm Lexius, by the way. I'm the goddess of bravery.' Shailene soon kneeled and said 'I'm sorry, goddess of bravery. I didn't mean to insult your presence.' 'Okay, okay! I forgave you a minute ago!' Lexius shouted. 'You don't need to apologise!' Shailene went up and asked if she could join her on the quest. 'I actually killed beasts that are worse than this.' This was her reason, and Lexius let her join.

They both stopped at a market in Shtip, in Macedonia. They found an inn where the keeper greeted them, as he was paid to. Both Lexius and Shailene slept in a room with separate beds. Lexius slept quietly whilst Shailene had lain awake for a while. She soon stood up and looked out the window and saw a figure on the ground. 'Lexius!' the figure shouted. Shailene woke Lexius up and said a woman outside was calling her. 'Well, I suppose I have to answer. I wish gods are able to sleep without interruption.' She went downstairs and answered. She recognised the woman as her mother, Artemis. 'Lexius!' she said, 'I came to tell you I lied. The underground city doesn't exist.'

'Well,' Lexius said, 'I am also the goddess of truth. I wouldn't go on a quest if you LIED.'

'So the city is real?'

'Yes.'

'And the sword?'

'Uh-huh.'

'And everything else I said?'

'All too true, mother. Also, you actually made love to Aphrodite.'

'What?'

'Yeah, you did. What was her vessel's name?'

'Skafostis Afroditis.'

'You're an idiot, Artemis. You are one of the gods of Greece yet you don't know Greek.'

'How?'

'Skafostis Afroditis means "Aphrodite's Vessel."'

'Oh.' Artemis said and walked away. She went all the way back to Olympus where Aphrodite was waiting. 'Hey, Artemis.' She said. 'How was that vessel I created?' 'Fine.' Artemis had replied. She walked away in shame as she thought she loved a mortal man and gave birth to a half-blooded goddess. Instead it was Aphrodite, goddess of love, and Lexius is pure-blooded. In other words, Lexius is born from a vessel Aphrodite had created. Artemis couldn't sleep that night, but Aphrodite slept after chuckling for she made a massive prank and made a goddess as a result. Gods do have a sense of humour sometimes.

Meanwhile, it was the second day of Lexius's journey and went through Serbia, then Croatia, then Slovenia. They didn't stop until they reached Verona, in Italy. It was there that they encountered a stall. 'What do you want?' the merchant said, 'We have information on all mythical beings.' Lexius asked about the Evenosagoni and the quest for Ethaniel. 'Come with me.' The merchant answered. They were led to a cellar and the merchant brought out an item wrapped in linen. 'Your swords won't harm the beast one bit. You need this.' He removed the linen and showed an axe. It was made from rubies with the handle being wrapped in the leather of a bull. The blades on the axe had a golden rim and were encrusted with silver patterns. 'This is Rubeus, forged by Vulcan, God of Fire.' The merchant said before Lexius chimed in. 'Ah, yes, Hephaestus uses that name when visiting Italy.'

'How did you know about that?' The merchant said.

'Well, I'm a goddess myself.'

'What goddess are you?'

'Bravery and truth.'

'And this quest-'

'-is a request from Artemis, my mother. And yes, it's THE Artemis.'

'Oh no.' Shailene said. 'She's bragging again.'

'Hey, I don't talk about my ancestry all the time, unlike YOU with making wine with Orc's blood!'

'Can I intervene?

'SHUT UP, MERCHANT' both Lexius and Shailene said.

All three calmed down after the argument. 'Anyway,' Lexius said, 'thanks for the axe.' The Merchant welcomed her and both Lexius and Shailene left. It took another day to reach what is left of Pompeii. They found a ruined house with a hole. They jumped down the hole and landed in the middle of a lake. Lexius survived the fall, but Shailene died from shattered bones as she hit the lake like concrete. Lexius got the corpse and swam toward the shore. Shailene was buried and Lexius put the sword in the grave.

She walked into the city and saw grand castles made of ebony, gardens with ebony trees, villagers wearing clothes created from ebony pulp, and a statue of Evenosagoni created from ebony. 'Whoa,' Lexius said to herself, 'ebony addicts much?' She soon walked past an altar with a priest. The priest saw Lexius and greeted her. Their conversation went like this:

'Greetings, weary traveller.' The priest said.

'Hello.' said Lexius.

'Who are you?'

'I am Lex- uh, Cassandra. Daughter of Venus and Diana and Goddess of Truth and Bravery, so don't lie to me.'

'I won't, O Cassandra, or my name is not Fulgencio. What brings you here?'

'I heard about the sword Ethaniel.'

'Ah, yes. Many of our citizens volunteered to get the sword but have fallen to our god, Evenosagoni. It is a sad time every time it happens. The beast must be tamed or killed to get the sword.'

'Strange, because my quest involves killing that creature.'

'It is not easy. You must get an axe called Rubeus, which it seems like you have.'

'Yes, I do. Hey, can you get me to the entrance, please?'

'WHAT!? Are you suicidal?'

'Maybe.'

'Come with me.'

They went to a giant gate. It was triangular with spiked handles. Just above the gate was a large bust of Evenosagoni's head and the door's rim seems to show a story on how Evenosagoni came to be. It looked as if Evenosagoni was created by a tribe that lived where Ipomepi currently is. It also showed a temple being built around the beast whilst it was sleeping. Then it showed the history of it's victims. 'Do you really want to enter this place?' Fulgencio asked. Lexius look at the gate for a second and answered with a 'Yes, I want to enter the temple.' Fulgencio opened the gate, and Lexius entered.

She entered the temple and encountered Evenosagoni. 'Who dareth enter mine lair!?' A voice boomed. 'I am Cassandra!' Lexius replied. 'I am here to fight you with my axe, Rubeus!' Evenosagoni came out and stared at Lexius. She remained sober.

'What is happening?' Evenosagoni said. 'How is one still sober in my gaze where as others meet a different fate?'

'I am not a mere woman, but a goddess amongst mortals, born from Diana and Venus, Wielder of Rubeus, and Queen of the Brave and True!' Lexius said.

'For when dost thou wish to be killed under mine fury?' Evenosagoni spat out some acid and Lexius dodged the stream.

'Missed.'

'You miniscule cur! Thou shalt experience pain!' Evenosagoni swung its mace-tail and Lexius jumped over it.

'Missed again. I heard there is a sword here called Ethaniel.'

'I have as well, for I am Ethaniel, Sword of Minerva. I am cursed to be this beast until my death, which won't come, for I am everlasting, and I won't be slain!' It charged with its horns and Lexius grabbed onto the horns and was launched in the air.

'Karma, BITCH!' She fell and decapitated Evenosagoni with Rubeus.

Evenosagoni's head rolled on the floor and soon its body and Rubeus became a light. That light formed into Ethaniel. 'Thank you.' The sword said and levitated itself onto Lexius' hand. As soon as the sword touched her hand she was teleported back to Olympus on Artemis's bedside. 'Hello, Lexius.' Artemis said. 'Mother, what happened?' Lexius said. Artemis explained that Ethaniel was smart enough to teleport itself and Lexius back to Artemis's home and that the sword once belonged to Athena, for it was the sword she used to defeat Ares. Artemis then took Lexius outside and all the gods were waiting. 'Congratulations, Daughter. You completed the quest.' Artemis said. Every god was celebrating, except for Lexius, who was a bit irritated.

'GUYS!' she shouted. 'I just went through six countries, jumped down a hole, buried my sidekick, went through a massive city stuffed with ebony, and fought a beast made of ebony just to get a talking damn sword! You don't need to celebrate this long-ass journey with a meagre reward? Come on!' The gods went quiet and Lexius calmed down. 'Right, why don't we all calm down and just forget this sort of meaningless quest, okay?' Hermes soon burst in. 'Lexius! Lexius!' He said, 'Look at this!' Lexius saw that the Roman and Greek empires made statues and temples of her. 'So people know me after all, even though all I did was getting a sword?' Lexius asked. 'Well,' Hermes said, 'It's all about the journey, not the reward.' 'But aside from Kastoria, Verona, and Ipomepi, All I did was walk, rest, walk, rest, walk, and rest again.' Lexius said. 'Evenosagoni was infamous, and word spreads fast, so it is no surprise that you are famous.' Said Hermes. Lexius accepted her fame and went back home. Now she sits on her high throne and punishes liars and cowards with a swing from an axe.

This is the first of many tales to come, so happy Bonfire Night!


End file.
